Premature evacuation!

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE FEATURES A PICTURE OF A 22-YEAR-OLD BLONDE WITH HER BREASTS EXPOSED.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED –  OR ARE WORRIED YOU MAY FIND IT TITILLATING – PLEASE IGNORE IT.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED IN SCOTLAND, APPARENTLY YOU CAN NOW INFORM THE POLICE.

After reports of a vicious, freedom-hating, feminist brigade proved not to be as threatening as once thought, The Sun has taken the opportunity to bite back with today’s edition.

Yes, you are correct in your thinking – Page 3 is back!

In what was said to have been a “mammary lapse”, The Sun addressed claims from other media outlets – along with celebrations from the Guardianistas – by plastering a winking blonde inside the front cover with the headline: “Clarifications and Corrections”.

Already, a swelling of confused authoritarians – they commonly go under the pseudonym of “feminists” – are in outrage, with many asking: “WHAT IS THIS!?”

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Thankfully for them, The Sun helpfully inserted a caption beneath the photo, informing them that the image in question is of “Nicole, 22, from Bournemouth”.

In another stroke of luck, the decision is unlikely to have an adverse effect on feminists who have not and would never buy the newspaper.

However, it is not all good news for feminists. The well-known social media antagoniser, Caroline Criado-Perez, tweeted this photo last night. Unfortunately for her, it appears this 140-character nugget is now irrelevant.

And as they say:  “It never rains but it pours.” As it is not possible to edit tweets, Ms Criado-Perez is also prevented from changing her hashtag to #notwinning.

But this is a day for celebration, so enough of the gloom. Just two weeks ago we saw legions of people coming together to protect free speech. Surely, in another tremendous day for liberty, these like-minded fellows will rejoice? Let me begin with #JeSuisPage3.

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